Can You Beat Untitled Goose Game Without Honking?

Thanks to the ever present threat of humanity’s complete annihilation at the hands of a resentful AI, gamers now have the opportunity to live virtual lives and experience reality in ways once thought to be forever delegated to the world of science fiction. Can You Beat Untitled Goose Game Without Honking?

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Can You Beat Untitled Goose Game Without Honking? (in text form)

Thanks to the flexibility afforded to the goose via its loose and very wringable neck, you can bend down to avoid obstacles. But the benefits of being a goose do not stop there, you can also pick up all sorts of trash, tennis balls, and even pieces of metal several times heavier than the goose itself. Before spreading my wings and taking my place on the high seas, I got familiar with hiding in the grass, then finally took to the water to begin showboating and ruining someone’s picnic.

I then went ahead and dragged some dirt into the water, providing another example of the disgusting raw strength of the goose, and checked my objectives. Nothing too complicated. I thought for a moment that the picnic it referenced was to take place on this blue napkin. After stealing the radio I learned how wrong I was. In a panicked attempt to shock myself to death, I completed another objective by getting the groundskeeper wet. Once I got my radio back, I discovered that there are places on this earth where even a groundskeeper, despite the ground being in their name, won’t go. I taunted him a bit before breaking into my garden to begin putting the rake in the lake. It took me one attempt. The rake was where it belonged, in my private quarters.

On my way back to the garden, I found the real picnic blanket and dropped a few things off on it. I tried to use the lawn mower, couldn’t because this game is trash. How difficult would it have been to have a handle you can grab to try and start the mower? To get over my disappointment, I started stealing all the carrots in the world. I got bored after about 3 and moved on to other things, like stealing the keys and hiding them in my museum of stolen objects. Using the goose’s inherent ability to stealthily sneak into any environment, I entered the garden again and took the handheld shovel. The sprinkler system provided a distraction, allowing me to put the watering can where it belonged.

Operation Pumpkin Patch was my next objective. Rescue a pumpkin from the patch. This multifaceted mission was more convoluted than my mind can comprehend. I stole a pumpkin to distract the groundskeeper, allowing me to get by him and turn on the hose again, which got him out of the way so I could grab the jam and hide it in the bushes. By the time I had the jam, he was returning from shutting off the hose. It was then I took the pumpkin again, but the idiot fell for it, and I finally got the hand shovel, completing my mission in the process.

A few minutes were spent moving my toys from their sanctuary to the picnic blanket. I also tried to offer a flower as a peace offering, he wasn’t swept off his feet like I thought he would be. As a punishment, I hid his boots in the miniature jungle in the garden. The cooler called out to me like a siren in the sea, the orange and white made me think it belonged in my museum, which it did even if it didn’t know it yet.

With the jam now jamming with the radio and the other picnic objects, two objectives remained: Make the groundskeeper wear his sunhat, and make him hammer his thumb. I had no idea how to do either of those, so I spent a while taking everything I could off to the museum for safe keeping. Things got a little cramp, which was when I did a bit of redecorating.

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