This may sound comical, but we’re going to give it a shot anyways. How do you feel about your relationship with your significant other—spouse, partner, co-parent, whatever?
How do you feel about yourself right now?
How would your partner answer those two questions? How sure are you?
A very wise colleague, who came to government service after a number of years in the private sector, once told me that in her experience, two-career marriages often feel the strain of one partner being up and one partner being down at work. She laughed that it never felt as though these highs and lows lined up and so that it was always hard emotionally because one person feels like a downer while the other is trying not to rub it in. The roles will switch, but it just puts a damper on things.
Oh, and then we could add in the joy of one or both of you traveling for work on the regular or semi-regular.
You can muddle along for quite a while out of synch and “make it work,” but you’ll eventually start to notice that something is off. At first, it might be hard to diagnose. You might try to slap a band-aid on it with a date night. You might try to convince yourself it is a passing phase because of a tough project at work, too much time with houseguests, the holiday hamster wheel.
But if something still feels off after a couple of weeks, it is time to deal with it a bit more head on.
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